Loaded
April 14th 2008 01:22
I just got my hands on the new Jesse Metcalfe vehicle entitled Loaded, directed by Alan Pao (Toxic ... yeah I haven't seen it either). Metcalfe, he of Desperate Housewives fame whose torso was his only feature, plays Tristan Price. He is a young Hollywood brat who has been mooching off his parents for the past 25 years of his life and he now wants to get out and accomplish something without his parents being attached to it. So what does he do? Go on a drug bender and get arrested for murder. As you do.
This film is exceptionally ordinary and boring with the only worthwhile factor being that the cast is incredibly sexy which if you're like me and have literally nothing better to do you'll put up with 100 mins of subpar material just for a perv. Nathalie Kelly, whilst her acting skills leave much to be desired, is one of the sexiest women in the world and thats all her two roles thus far have asked of her so I shouldn't be hating.
I don't understand the big deal about Corey Large though. He plays the dangerous alpha bad guy Sebastian Cole who is out to fuck with Tristan Price for being fucked around himself 5 years earlier. A quick look through his iMDB resume and he's behind quite a lot of projects, having four flicks currently in production that he has written. Personally I think the guy is a hack as this script is laughably bad at times but hey thats just me. At least he has film credits to his name despite them sucking I'll give him that.
The performances all round are terribly bad, notably by Monica Keener and Metcalfe. I am disappointed in Keener as I quite liked her in Entourage as Eric's not-so faithful girlfriend. The editing is at times incredibly messy and some cut-aways left me confused as to the point of them exactly. Soundtrack is stock material ... oh I almost forgot. Price's father is a must-see - every seen he does is hilarious for all the wrong reasons.
In short, this film was terrible with the only saving grace the presence of Nathalie Kelly which is not nearly enough to save it. I am of the understanding this film went straight to DVD ... it comes as no surprise.
1/10.
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